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Hopefully I will be able to hold out until Tuesday. There’s nothing going on Wednesday that will require my total self control. Days like this usually start with me sitting around, horny, in a pair of panties and watching porn. There’s an empty ache in my colon. If you love anal, you know what I mean. I’ll let the day continue as much as possible like this. I may make a trip to the supermarket with my panties on under my typical cis-male clothing but I prefer to stay in and enjoy being naked in the soft panties of the day. Typical tasks become erotic when in panties. Bending over to pick up a laundry basket becomes exaggerated while I think about presenting myself to be penetrated by my perfect mate. In an ideal world, my perfect girlfriend would be spending these kinds of days with me but sitting on the sofa in her panties watching TV while I spent the day doing her laundry and performing little tasks to keep her happy. She would treat me how many of you ladies complain. I wanted them to stop, but when I asked them to, they laughed. "Why? We're having fun."Fun for them perhaps, but not for me. They came in me, in my mouth, on me, degrading me in every way they could think of.Fear had removed the last effects of what I'd smoked, now all I wanted to do was get to hell out of there. During a lull in their so-called fun, I made a dash for freedom, but I didn't run far. I hid, expecting them to come after me.For half an hour, I stayed in hiding, my button-less top wrapped around me, my knickers still on the kitchen floor. Happy no one was looking for me I hurried home, constantly looking over my shoulder, in fear I was being followed. Half an hour later and I was safe.I had to shower. There was no way I could go to bed in my present state. Once physically clean, I curled up in the safety of my bed, and began to cry. Everything I had done since Scott's death came flooding back, culminating in what happened. What I had become was not what he would have.
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